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Dear Spiders

This is a letter to all the family members of the horrible hairy bastard spiders who have been tormenting me over the last week making me a hysterical wreck and having very little sleep.

Your children/mothers/fathers/etc are dead. My own hairy hero (bender) has killed them all for me after the crept about my bedroom and onto my pillows.

This letter is a plea to leave me alone. I have sprayed all the doors and windows in my house with spider repellant

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However if somehow you get through my barriers I will be sending one of the hairy troops to fuck u up, either my smashing you head in with a book or eating u (the dog soldiers are fond of spider canapés)

Stay away if u want to live.

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